People Coming Out of Our Ears

Welcome once again to a rather concerning post, from a rather concerning author.

In Society class the other week I came across some rather worrying information in an old Atlas.  Just like most other atlases this one had statistics, *shiver* in the back of the book. Yes, we could point fingers and say that these numbers have no significance because they’re gathered by a bunch of annoying pests on the telephone who think that the best time to try to play 20 questions with you is while your eating your dinner.  But the reason these statistics are a bit more worrying is because they are based on population.

The atlas claimed that by 2030, the population of Australia would be 22,541,332. Well that’s rather untidy, because that’s 18 years away and our population is only 200,000 away from that value, it’s currently about 22,328,800. If we take into account the new population statistics from 2009 and 2010 we see that by 2013 our population is likely to grow by nearly 4 million. So let’s say that the population continues to grow by 4 million every year leading up until 2030, which it won’t, because it will no doubt grow much larger as the years progress… But let’s just say for some reason the population grows a consciousness and decides to stick to a 4 million a year plan, by the year 2030 we will be overrun with roughly, oh, I don’t know 94,328,800 people!!

94 million people! Ehhhk! Get it off!

Using some extraordinarily ordinary math skills we can estimate that South Australia’s population will be nearly 7 million, Tasmania’s population will be about 2.1 million, Queensland will be about 19 million and if I could be bothered calculating any more I’m sure they would be slightly more than reasonably crazy too!  We are most definitely producing way, way too many babies people.

Sure, we could try to implement the child law that’s running in China into the Australian laws…

“Well done, it’s a boy.”

“Awww, he’s more beautiful than my last one.”

“WHAT?!?! You already have a child?!”


“Get rid of this filth! Take it away!”

But of course there are many that protest to this, there are people who say that people should be allowed to bring more people into this world full of people… Though they seem to be forgetting the fact that we’ll all be living in a small box that’s less than a cubic meter if we continue at this rate. Then again, I guess Adam and Eve must be partly to blame, I mean, they managed to kick off an entire species with their obnoxious…. uh…. gardening skills?

Earth is going to be absolutely crammed with people! You’ll go to a swimming pool and will quite literally be jumping into a pool of people. Imagine the line you’ll have to stand in just to get food from the cafeteria, or even the drive through at fast food restaurants. More importantly, we’ll end up living in such incredibly close quarters. Already there are houses being built that are less than a meter away from each other, so close that they should have just attached the two houses together!

There are people pouring out of our ears, and we need to do something about it…

Until we speak next, unless I’m smothered by a rapidly breeding population.


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The Joke, The Solution, The Consequences.

Hey everyone, girls and guys alike! Welcome to the new school year, some are Grade 10, 9, even 11 in some cases (if you are going to college).

I was sitting in English today, thinking away about what just to write about. School, my job, my family, maybe even a simple thing I noticed while walking down a street… then, one of my friends thought up an idea, a post based on a joke I said to him at some point during the day.

It goes like this:

“Pollen is essentially ‘plant sperm.’ Therefore, Hay fever is an STD.

Because pollen is not voluntarily taken in by humans, we are all being raped by trees.

Conclusion: Deforestation is the key.

So take that environment. You rape us, we rape you right back!”

I came across this joke while browsing Facebook. Quite intrigued by the joke, I put it up on what was my “wall,” and received multiple ‘likes’ and several comments…

You may be thinking something along the lines of: “Why the heck is he writing about this??” or “This joke makes no sense in terms of preventing hay fever.”

I will tell you something right now. It does, but with serious consequences and flaws of course. Firstly, if someone decided to destroy an entire ecosystem, they would be thrown into the psych ward of the nearest hospital. Then, they would be put in solitary confinement if they still planned to go ahead with their project.

Secondly, if you actually managed to cut down every tree in the world, we would eventually run out of oxygen and end up a bit like the planet Venus. Besides, as some may be thinking now, hay fever is not just caused by trees, it is caused mainly by grass and a variety of plants…

An absolute maniac would now be saying, “Burn the land!! Destroy all the grass and plants that cause hay fever!!”

Lastly, if the world somehow went to drastic measures like these, there would be panic all across the globe with people preparing for the worse. This is where Julia Gillard steps in and says, “Bring on the Carbon Tax policies!!”

So, if I come up with a plan like this, please put me up against a wall and shoot me.

Until next time,


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The Body of Control

Water, nice cold water. Ahh, sorry about that, slightly distracted.

SO! First day back at school, and it was relatively warm, and since I’m incredibly organised I didn’t bother buying a new drink bottle or cleaning one out in time. Hence, I spent the day in a roulette of thirst, all dependent on which classrooms had the air conditioning on.

[Just noticed because of a typo that, add a ‘H’ to ‘air conditioning’ and you really do get quite a different sentence.]

This isn’t a post about surviving thirst, there’s not going to be an elaborate story that includes snake skins and a full bladder and a non-existent gag reflex. I’m talking about when I finally was able to purchase a bottle of water from the shop at the end of the day.

Now my Society teacher would probably ask me to add what I just wrote to our first work unit on, “What living standards are like in Australia,” as: being able to purchase clean drinking water, but again… this isn’t a post about that either.

What I had in mind is more do with our body’s control over us. “Ben, have you taken your medication today?” I’ve mentioned something similar to this before, where I spoke about how in sex education they the informed us thoroughly about sexual feelings, and how much it seemed to me like the body hanging a carrot on a stick trying to get us to breed like rabbits… I wonder if the carrot hanging on a stick has something to do with the rabbits insane breeding patterns? …Anyways.

As I poured the icy cool water down my parched dry throat, I found it curious that it felt incredibly relieving, how it made you feel good. I noted that it’s almost like your body liked the fact you were finally giving it the water it ordered numerous hours ago when it initiated it’s dry throat protocol, and was rewarding you for it by releasing endorphins.

Could this be the case? Could our sub conscious really be our ACTUAL body? We’re like taking the reins of this moving living thing, and the sub conscious is just making sure we drive it right?
“Hey moron! You left the tap on! NO YOU NEED FOOD NOW! Yuck, why did you eat this, this isn’t good for you at all, take it back!”

Think about it, it sounds pretty plausible, I mean, we don’t choose to throw up food if we eat too much, or something that doesn’t agree with us, sure, we can force ourselves to throw up, but our body can do it by itself without shoving anything down our throat. Our body decides when to sweat, breath, blink, yes we have some control over some of these things, but still. If the body ever needs something it fires the alarm, something to let us know, almost as if it can’t directly communicate with us, but it can let us know via different methods.

What do you think?

Is your body running the show?

Thanks for reading yet another insane post (I don’t mean as in AWESOME…)


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