People Coming Out of Our Ears

Welcome once again to a rather concerning post, from a rather concerning author.

In Society class the other week I came across some rather worrying information in an old Atlas.  Just like most other atlases this one had statistics, *shiver* in the back of the book. Yes, we could point fingers and say that these numbers have no significance because they’re gathered by a bunch of annoying pests on the telephone who think that the best time to try to play 20 questions with you is while your eating your dinner.  But the reason these statistics are a bit more worrying is because they are based on population.

The atlas claimed that by 2030, the population of Australia would be 22,541,332. Well that’s rather untidy, because that’s 18 years away and our population is only 200,000 away from that value, it’s currently about 22,328,800. If we take into account the new population statistics from 2009 and 2010 we see that by 2013 our population is likely to grow by nearly 4 million. So let’s say that the population continues to grow by 4 million every year leading up until 2030, which it won’t, because it will no doubt grow much larger as the years progress… But let’s just say for some reason the population grows a consciousness and decides to stick to a 4 million a year plan, by the year 2030 we will be overrun with roughly, oh, I don’t know 94,328,800 people!!

94 million people! Ehhhk! Get it off!

Using some extraordinarily ordinary math skills we can estimate that South Australia’s population will be nearly 7 million, Tasmania’s population will be about 2.1 million, Queensland will be about 19 million and if I could be bothered calculating any more I’m sure they would be slightly more than reasonably crazy too!  We are most definitely producing way, way too many babies people.

Sure, we could try to implement the child law that’s running in China into the Australian laws…

“Well done, it’s a boy.”

“Awww, he’s more beautiful than my last one.”

“WHAT?!?! You already have a child?!”


“Get rid of this filth! Take it away!”

But of course there are many that protest to this, there are people who say that people should be allowed to bring more people into this world full of people… Though they seem to be forgetting the fact that we’ll all be living in a small box that’s less than a cubic meter if we continue at this rate. Then again, I guess Adam and Eve must be partly to blame, I mean, they managed to kick off an entire species with their obnoxious…. uh…. gardening skills?

Earth is going to be absolutely crammed with people! You’ll go to a swimming pool and will quite literally be jumping into a pool of people. Imagine the line you’ll have to stand in just to get food from the cafeteria, or even the drive through at fast food restaurants. More importantly, we’ll end up living in such incredibly close quarters. Already there are houses being built that are less than a meter away from each other, so close that they should have just attached the two houses together!

There are people pouring out of our ears, and we need to do something about it…

Until we speak next, unless I’m smothered by a rapidly breeding population.


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