Worship The Al’ Mighty Car

Got a new car the other day, it’s small, silver and flash, and has more gadgets on the dashboard panel than a NASA spacecraft would have on it’s on board computer.
As it accelerates it sounds like an aeroplane that’s been put in a soundproof room so that all you can hear is a gentle humming . . .

It’s almost like a toy car that’s been up-scaled and pushed into the production line.

First new car we’ve ever got, and that’s proven by that new car smell that you get as you sit in the passenger seat, I wonder if in the factory they have a sprayer that shoots the new car smell scent into the seats, carpets, lights, roofing . . . I don’t know . . .

Anyways, what I have noticed, is that this new car, like my new rival standing on the opposite end of the street equip with a small hand pistol, is receiving king treatment. As if it were a god, it gets polished, shined, watched, monitored, slowly driven . . . everything is taken in the greatest of care, to ensure it’s ‘everlasting’ youth.

So it comes as no surprise that people start cursing and saying the world is going to end when this new holy-god-worship-worthy car gets a scratch on the passenger side of the dashboard.

My bag is the culprit apparently, that’s what they said about 10 times while trying to rub the scratch from existence with their finger. Yeah, okay, I’ll accept that it’s my bag, but seriously, our old cars never got scratches when I stuck my bag in, only thing that that tells me is that this new-holy-god-car is either not built well enough, or its had so much pampering that it decided to relax.

You didn’t pamper our old cars, worry about them getting scratches or worry about them getting dirty, why should it be any different?

I mean it’s a car forgodsakes, the scratch on the dashboard doesn’t differ the performance of the car, it doesn’t slow it down, damage the axle or make the car illegal to drive on the road. The only thing it does is upsets perfectionists, who need a vista of elegance and professional clean-cut wherever they go.

Wrong? Sorry did I hear correctly?
If I’m wrong then prove it, give me one good reason why this scratch makes the car horrible.
Yeah you’ve had the car for a week, Yeah it’s gotten a scratch.
But what’s it matter?
Eventually it will get thousands of scratches, whether it got a scratch now or then doesn’t matter. As I said before, it doesn’t slow the car down, damage the workings of the car, make it impossible to see the road.
You can’t keep the car clean and shiny forever, otherwise you won’t be able to use it for anything.
Driving slower to ‘keep the car clean’ and ‘not getting as many bags’ so that ‘it doesn’t scratch the seats’

You’re just slowing yourselves down by taking double the care trying to keep the thing looking posh, I already have a mental image in my mind of you hiring a specialist to come in and wax and clean the car everyday.

Appearance, appearance, appearance . . .

The only other thing I can think of that would be so bad about the car having a single scratch (Well, two if you include the one on the dash of the drivers side, can’t blame that on me!) would be that it would make it cheaper if you tried to sell it later on in the future.

1. All used cars have scratches, everything that moves, can get damaged.
2. By then this car isn’t going to be worth anything anyways.
3. If you were going to sell it in a few years, then why did you buy the thing?

Last example to finish up.

Let’s say you have a watch, and you scratch it,
As long as the scratch doesn’t;
1. Make the watch uncomfortable to wear, being the scratch inside the wristband
2. Make the time impossible to read, being the scratch along the face of the watch
3. Dig so deep as to damage the clock’s inner workings making it useless
Then it shouldn’t matter!
It hasn’t changed the performance or workability of the watch,
It just annoys you because it doesn’t look nice.

Tsssk, Tsssk

I’m done here.

Learn New Words
Vista– the view, looks, the visuals
Perfectionists– people who have 
everything as best as they can be, perfect