What do you think?

I need someones opinion on this piece I’ve written for creative writing.

March 5th, Monday

Dear dairy,

We’ve just moved into a new house and it’s huge! Mum and Dad wanted to get away from the city and brought a magnificent Victorian house on the edge of a forest. A large amount of the forest is our land meaning I can wonder around in there as much as I like!

 

March 6th, Tuesday

Dear dairy,

I finished unpacking my room but there is still a lot to do. Mum and Dad won’t let me go outside and explore. It’s so annoying, they are making me help unpack all the rest of our stuff first and all I want to do is go outside.

 

March 10th, Saturday

Dairy!

I’m free at last; free to walk amongst the trees and earth surrounded by thick foliage and earthly sounds. The trees stood taller than any of the buildings in the city, like giant people with hands reaching towards the heavens. Small animals and insects scattered about their busy lives, birds sung to each other from the highest branches of the trees. As I wandered about through the shrubbery, I heard the trickle of water. I followed the sound to a small creek. I followed it hoping to find out where it leads, but I heard Mum calling me back into the house. Just when things were getting interesting! So typical of her, at least I got some time to enjoy these wonders.

 

March 14th, Wednesday

Dear dairy

I try and spend as much time outside after school as I can but with all the homework and stuff at my new school I don’t get nearly enough time. Each time I’ve gone out I have not had enough time to find the creek again.

 

March 17th, Saturday

Dairy

It’s the weekend again so I can spend as much time as I want outside, at least that’s what Mum said but she’s known to go back on her word. Once outside again I feel that sense of freedom, along with the feeling I am truly alive and this is where I’m meant to be. As soon as I was among the trees I went looking for the creek. It didn’t take me long to hear that musical trickle again. I ran towards the sound, not wanting anything to turn me back this time. I found it but continued along its edge wishing to find where it flowed from. I didn’t understand why I was so eager to find it but in my haste I tripped on the root of a tree. I went sprawling down onto the ground into a mess of large leaved plants and ferns. There was some pain in my ankle and my arm hurt where I’d landed on it. As I sat up trying to access the damage, I looked across the creek. A small rapid came down from a bend in the creek and leaning down its bank was a girl. Part of her long flowing hair and hand where reaching into the water as she glanced up at me with dark eyes. None of this would have been weird if she hadn’t been green! She hadn’t been wearing any clothing and the back part of her seemed to disappear into the surrounding foliage as if she were part of it. She glanced at me for a second before disappearing into the nearby forest.  In that one glance there was no surprise or shock but sadness. It happened so quickly that at first I couldn’t believe what I’d seen! It was only the fact that such an image would never have come to my mind or in such detail if it did, that I knew it must be real. I’d seen so much detail in such a short time that I wanted to write it all down before I forgot it. This is why I’m writing to you dairy.

 

March 18th, Sunday

Dear dairy

Mum and Dad won’t let me go outside again. Well… at least not until my arm heals. My ankle was just sprained but my arm is fractured and they think I have a concussion because I told them about what I saw. This means I’m stuck inside all day with Joe-Joe. He’s our dog. I’m not sure what breed he is, he looks a bit like an undergrown fox, with his pointy ears and large puffy tail. He has maroon red hair about the same shade as mine which is one of the reasons we brought him. He’s a bit bigger than a large cat but a smaller than a Miniature Schnauzer. He could be part Chihuahua but without the annoying yippy bark.

 

March 19th, Monday

Dear dairy

Everyone was more concerned about my arm than what I had to tell them about the forest. I told one of the teachers and she laughed and said I have a really good imagination. My friends didn’t want to listen either; they were too busy trying to write things on my cast.

 

March 24th, Saturday

Dear dairy

I don’t know when I’ll be able to get out of this cast but the day I’m free of it can’t come soon enough. I keep complaining to Dad about it but he just tells me to suck it up. I hate it! I’m being kept away from one of the most beautiful places on earth. Mum just threatens that I won’t be allowed back out there again if I don’t be quite. It’s so unfair!

 

March 31st, Saturday

Dear dairy

I got my cast off today but the doctor told me to take it easy and not to do anything that might risk me banging it too much. That means I’m still not allowed out in the forest or if I do go out there Mum or Dad have to come with me and we only spend a couple of minutes in there. It’s not the same having your parents tag along and you can’t explore much in a couple of minutes.

 

April 2nd, Monday

Yesterday was April Fool’s day and Dad thought it would be funny to say I could spend the whole day out in the forest by myself. I was so excited until he said ‘April Fools’. I didn’t want to talk to him for the rest of the day but he took us out shopping for new furniture. Nobody understands why I miss the forest so much. I told them they should come and see it but Mum said no.

 

April 3rd, Tuesday

Dairy

School was really boring today not even worth mentioning.

 

April 14th, Saturday

Dear dairy

I’m finally allowed to explore the forest again unsupervised, on one condition that I take Joe-Joe with me. They think he needs to get out more and have some exercise. Which is alright, I’m just worried if I find the green girl again he’ll chase and scare her away. He was okay today but the green girl didn’t come back to the creek.

 

April 15th, Sunday

Dear dairy

The more I looked for the green girl today, the more I saw other things I don’t think I would have noticed. The trees and forest seem to be alive. It is as if they were following me. No matter how far I walked away from the tree it would still be right behind me when I looked back. The animals I saw aren’t normal either; I swear I saw a rabbit talking to a bird and some kind of half monkey squirrel crawl up a tree. There is something special about this place and I wish could have gotten closer to some of the things I’m seeing. Every time I got close to them Joe-Joe would chase them away. So half the time I didn’t know if what I was seeing was real or just my imagination.

 

April 19th, Thursday

Dear dairy

Schools days are starting to get to me. I’m not allowed to go outside in the forest after school anymore because I wasn’t getting my homework done and my teacher told my parents. So now all I look forward to is the weekend.

 

April 21st, Saturday

I found something dairy!

Some kind of bird house thing that looked like it was GROWING out of a tree. It is as if the tree grew the home for some creature to live in rather than the creature having to build one on the tree. The tree itself seemed to glow different shades of green that changed as the sun hit them. The tree parted in the middle splitting into two thick branches which sprouted smaller ones. The trunk was covered with giant orange-brown toadstools that stuck out like steps leading up to the trees higher branches. I wanted to climb it to take a better look of the house thing but Mum called me back for dinner.

 

April 22nd, Sunday

Dear dairy

Dad got me to dress up in some ‘pretty’ white dress. It was all frilly and flared out at the bottom. I hate wearing things like that. They both said I looked like a little doll. I don’t want to look like a doll. Someone they know was getting married and we were part of the dress rehearsal. I had to wear these socks that came up to my knees with a pair of uncomfortable black shoes. They spent forever trying to get my curly maroon hair to behave. Before we left I spent a few minutes in the forest. Mum wasn’t too happy with me about that but we were running late so she couldn’t do much about it. While we were in the car they told me I was going to be the flower girl. The whole thing sounded a little unprepared to me as if they hadn’t really thought about it until the last minute. I got to practice sprinkling flower petals all over the place which I thought was stupid. Who wants to clean up a bunch of half dead flowers? The bride started getting angry with me because I had mud on my shoes which I had traipsed everywhere and I wasn’t throwing the petals the right way. I didn’t know there was some kind of art to it.  I’m not really sure how you’re supposed to throw flowers properly. She started having a go at my parents so that when we got home they were all angry at me. They forbid me from going back into the forest because I’d embarrassed them and girls like me shouldn’t go wondering around in the forest. I hate them and that stupid bride! She has ruined my life and now I’ll ruin her wedding.

 

April 28th, Saturday

Dear dairy

It was the day of the wedding today. As I walked behind the bride like she told me to, I threw petals at the guests. You should have seen her face, she was furious. That will teach her to get me in trouble. She had to pretend not to notice so it didn’t ruin the mood but it was still funny. Mum and Dad kept giving me stern looks but this was my moment and I wasn’t going to let them interrupt it.

When I go home I knew I’d be in trouble so I ran upstairs before they could say anything and so I could write about what happened at the wedding. I had stopped to listen on the way up to see if they were following me but instead I heard them talking about maybe moving back to the city.

 

Tears ran down my face as I raced outside towards the forest. I didn’t want to move again so they would have to come and find me while I hid. Unfortunately Joe-Joe followed me and I didn’t want him to make any noise so I didn’t try and send him back. I didn’t know where would be best to hide so I wandered around trying to think of somewhere they wouldn’t look. That’s when Joe-Joe took off barking. They were going to hear him so I followed in pursuit.

Once I’d finally caught up with him I picked him up into my arms and scolded him. We were at the big tree with the house thing growing out of it. I was still crying as I walked towards it with Joe-Joe in my arms. I carefully placed him on one of the low thick branches as I began to scale the tree using its giant toadstools like steps. Once I was a little higher I helped him onto the branch with the house on it. I sat in the fork of the tree with Joe-Joe beside me.  He jumped onto my lap so as not to fall off. I didn’t think they would look for me up there. I glanced over at the strange house thing and contemplated moving closer to have a look. My attention was draw to Joe-Joe who was trying to move closer to the other branch that made up the fork. It was as peculiar as the one with the house and looked to have had a faced carved into it. The more I looked at it the clearer it became. It was a lady of some-kind; she was carved from just above the hips up. As I stared at her face her eyes suddenly opened.

I nearly screamed and fell out of the tree but stopped myself to watch her in stunned silence. Joe-Joe had started making whimpering sounds. I watched her emerge from the side of the tree and begin to change colour. Her skin changed from green to that of humans’, while two bright shimmery green wings sprung from her back. They were light at the base but gradually got darker towards the tops. Her lower body was still part of the tree. She was a branch that had transformed into the upper part of a fairy. Her bright green hair was only a shade darker than the top of her wings. Her eyes were like emeralds, glistening as she stared at me softly. She leant forward and stroked the side of my head gently before wiping a tear away from my cheek.

‘Don’t cry young one’ she told me in a soothing voice that was like wind though the trees. I told her about my parents wanting us to move again away from the forest. She then told me that it wouldn’t happen if I apologised to them. I had then asked how she could be so sure. She had replied “Just trust me”.  Before disappearing back into the tree she told me to be careful around the pixie’s house.

“They don’t like people bothering them” she had warned me.

 

April 29th, Sunday

Dear dairy

It did work. Apologising I mean. I didn’t do it straight away; I was still too upset with them. They were happy when I did though and asked me not to do it again. I’m allowed back in the forest after a couple of week’s punishment but I don’t mind because I’d finally gotten close to one of the mysteries of the forest. Also as nice as the tree girl was she scared me a bit. I think Joe-Joe was more scared than I was though because he tried to jump out of my lap while we were still in the tree. My day hasn’t been as exciting as yesterday but I don’t think any day could be. Oh and I did some research on old fairy myths and according to some old legends she was a tree fairy. Her job is to guard and protect the pixie’s house and its occupants from predators and humans. Yeah creepy I know. As much as I like the idea of their being fairies and other mystical beings living in my backyard I’m not sure all of them are going to be as nice as the tree fairy and she could have killed me if she wanted.

 

 

One comment

    Now, I think that this is a brilliant and creative piece of writing. You have talent, a gift, a –

    Okay, I will quit with the nonsense. It is good, needs a little tweaking in terms of grammar and wording, but overall it is awesome 😀

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