Quite recently I’ve seen an outbreak of depressing and hope depriving statuses scattered across the social internet.  Funnily enough, this is the kind of saddening banter that filled MySpace up to the brim before it toppled sideways and everyone ran out trying to find a Book with their Face in it.  Inevitably social media is going to result in a lot of moody updates. Now emotions are something that will reach high peaks, low peaks – sometimes they even manage to balance in between.  But the problem here is that when these natural emotions are combined with the interlocking connectivity of the internet they are amplified to the point that all the statistics reporting on depression these days make complete and perfect sense.

Before the social web, whenever we felt low or depressed we would usually only have to deal with our own problems – but now with the internet, you’re being linked up with all of your friends – all at once.  Now although they can give you support when you post about your issues, they may also be posting about their own problems.  Something that really doesn’t help your ability to bounce back mentally from some sad thoughts, is reading other sad thoughts.  Imagine that you have stubbed your toe – and it’s really sore – if you then decide to start kicking the door toe-first, your toe is probably going to take far longer to recover from your incredibly apocalyptic ordeal.

Now I’m not saying that outside of these networks we never hear about peoples problems’ while we have our own.  What I’m saying is that we are exposing ourselves to even more negativity than we would usually.  Now I can’t really talk much in this department – but there are a large chunk of people, particularly teens – that have hundreds of ‘friends.’

I say ‘friends’ with quotations because they clearly have no idea who all of these people are personally.

This magnitude of people… it’d drive you absolutely crazy.  You’d never comfortably meet up with all these people all at once outside of the internet, and yet… every thought and opinion is rushing to us instantly every day.

All I ask is, don’t fall.  Do something creative, take your mind off it.  Force yourself to do something for you for a change.  Turn off the notifications, make yourself a hot chocolate, sit up comfortably in bed and just relax.  Close your eyes if you have to… but drink your hot chocolate first, you really don’t want to fall asleep with that hovering above your lap.

Thanks again for reading beings!

Ben,

Hey there!

Now as many of you would know because I’ve been talking about it for a while, I’ve been making a new YouTube channel for my personal vlogs and projects.  Well that channel has now issued its first video vlog/thing, ‘the INTRODUCTION!’

I’ve been editing this on and off for the last few weeks – and I’m really disappointed with it.

The video itself has been uploaded to YouTube probably 4 times with different tweaks and alterations in an attempt to get something I actually like.  But if I don’t just suck it up and get it out-of-the-way I’ll never end up actually doing anything with the channel.  Anyhow, sorry for the short post.  I do intend to go more into detail later on when I’m in a writing mood.

See you later,

Ben.

My mind isn’t the person that my mouth describes.

One thing that has always annoyed me is that my consciousness seems to be on a whole different plane to who I am when I speak.  There is so much going on, so many thoughts, this seriousness, this seemingly knowledgeable being inside that never actually appears to exist at all.  Because the moment I start talking those thoughts of entirety are lost and I am all but a mere idiot.  A pathetic shadow who tries to imitate the person inside who looks down on me with discontent.  A disciple who has failed to preach the message that had been sent.

For my mouth acts differently, whereas in this scenario I can attempt to type out every word that flashes into my mind – I can’t when I talk.  Talking just leaves room for a slurry of  unintentional mess that lacks the meaning, the depth and the wisdom that seemed to be present before it had all been forcefully summarised, chopped up and spat out into a load of irrational nonsense.  Even now I stare at the words that I have written, still not matching those that I have thought of earlier – but in the absence of some form writing medium all those words have slowly hidden away.  Once again I look down upon what I have written, displeased with my failure to relay my own message.

Sorry for the short post.

Ben,

These last few days seem to have been going quite… painfully.

Exams are approaching fast, and it’s no secret that they are an incredibly important aspect of school life.  Essentially you’re controlling your own future in employment opportunities.  So it comes as no surprise that I find it highly suspicious that the closer we get to exams, the more attacked and damaged I seem to become.

I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I was not thinking clearly, like my brain had been clouded up by some evil mastermind’s “Ben’s Brain Destroy-O-Nater 2000” – I even assumed that confectionery was to blame, laced with thought-deterring chemicals by a spiteful arch-nemesis.

But this week, it seems to be getting worse…  On Saturday I was feeling very unmotivated, I was just… ‘bleh’ – I felt very lacking in the inspiration department.   It’s Sunday that decided to kick me right where it hurts… (Uh, not there. A bit higher) – The stomach.
Late Saturday night some mongrel of a virus clambered into my body and started urinating on all of my walls.  I awoke on Sunday and was incredibly ill.  The ‘bleh’ that I had felt on Saturday was now replaced by a ‘BLEEAIHWODIHOGIWEEEEH!’
Then a few minutes later, ‘BLAWJOUAOWUGHGHGHOUGH… *Gasp* …BAUGH BAUGH BAUGH.’

I was restrained to rest for the entirety of the day, not able to eat anything. My drink bottle was my only hunger-soothing friend.  I slowly got better, then on Monday I took a day off school to regain strength and to try and catch up on homework I hadn’t been able to do on the weekend.  This plan didn’t work all too well.

Late Monday night, I felt great.  As good as new, I could have taken on Chuck Norris… Though I wouldn’t have gotten far.  I lay down in bed, took a drink from my drink bottle and lay down to mentally prepare a to-do list for school tomorrow.
My stomach rumbled for the first time in several hours…  It began to ache.  I began to get very, very annoyed.  Because as it turns out, I somehow re-infected myself with the stomach virus I had on Sunday by drinking from the same water bottle.  How the hell is that even possible?  Surely my body would have built up an immunity by now?  If you see that same shifty guy in the dark sunglasses with the words “I’m a Stomach Virus Bastard”  written across his chest YOU DON’T LET HIM IN! I mean come on!

Ah, I’m now feeling rubbish again… and what’s even better, is that today some bright spark kicked a soccer ball straight into my eye.  Now it’s bruised, painful… and a conversation starter for basically every moron known to man.

“Hey nice eye, haha haha.”

Yeah, that’s great, the same thing that the last fourteen people said.

“Hey nice eye, haha, been fightin’ cuz?”

Wow, the addition of those few words really made it original, well bloody done.

I’m leaving now,

See you later.

“Hey nice eye, haha haha.”

“Piss off”

AHGIHAWIbla!hblhioahwlabalwhi!

Translation: Hey guys! Won’t be a very long post.

I was a bit reluctant to start writing this post, as I think my brain is actually on the verge of a full meltdown.  Despite the fact I seem to be stringing words together pretty flawlessly… for now… anyhow, last Friday I noticed that my focus seemed to have degraded.  While sitting in maths looking at the trigonometry work we’d been doing for weeks, I was blank.  My brain pulled up a white flag and said:

“Maaan, I don’t want to do this any more, you’re on your own.”

Then he buggered off, leaving my body sitting there staring down mindlessly onto the maths problems.  I feel cloudy in the head – which isn’t something you necessarily want.  Especially since exams are quickly approaching, it all seems like a crude joke to suddenly lose all focus and concentration at this time…  Perhaps my subconscious has a grudge.

But after attempting to analyse possible causes of this cloudiness. Which included blaming my friends for their chemically contaminated confectionery. Which they’d obviously given me throughout the week not as a sign of good will – but more a move of evil saboteur-like tomfoolery.

As it happens, it isn’t the lollies. (Dammit)

It is possibly a combination of these things:

• Sleep deprivation
• Dehydration
• Hiding dead bodies