Before we start I need to clarify a few things.  First off I will not make a habit of writing posts about love and companionship, this is the first on the blog and it’ll probably be the last.  Secondly, when I say that this is something that my friend did, it is actually something that my friend did, I am not trying to cover it up by playing the ‘friend’ card…

“Yeah I have this friend that set fire to his head and uhh, and I… he was just wondering if he needs any special medical attention or something.”

Now I’ll let you know now I don’t exactly know a whole lot about these sorts of things, the knowledge I have on these matters is purely imaginative and somewhat distorted by American television shows. But a better way to look at it is that I’ve never been ‘dumped’.

Anyhow! Onto the story!

So a friend of mine recently made a mistake when texting his girlfriend early in the morning. He’s not exactly awake even when he’s awake, so when he’s sleepy… let’s just say there could be an apocalyptic inferno completely burning the entire earth to a medium-rare human meatball and he would be none the wiser.  Him and his girlfriend were chatting away via text messages until she asked this question:

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like me?”

Let’s just say the half-asleep Romeo decided to attempt a Romantic mathematical equation, by saying that he rated her 1000 out of 10.  Well, he wrote it incredibly wrong.  Instead of saying 1000 out of 10 he wrote that he rated her 10 out of 1000.  Nice one! That’s the way! Congratulations, you just insulted your girlfriend, good luck!

As you would expect there was a lot of silence.  Needless to say, his girlfriend didn’t want to talk to him much after that lovely …compliment.  Being the friend that I am, (heartless, conceited, a rightful prat) I gave him some advice at the end of the day, despite the fact I am single-handedly the last person you should ever attempt to obtain advice from, and if I do ever give you advice you should just nod, say thanks and then completely disregard everything that I just said.  My advice to him, to win back his Juliet, was to tell her this:

“I’m sorry, I was tired this morning because I hadn’t been awoken by the glistening sun. You are my sunrise.”

Yeah, well that relationship was long lived.

No, just joking, from what I can gather that corny line may have had some effect because they’re still together and exchanging, “Love You’s” publicly via Facebook timeline posts.  Either that or my friend did the right thing and just nodded and said thanks as I gave him the most ridiculous advice ever…

Can I just say while writing this post I became rather annoyed at the word ‘lose’.  I mean, we’re taught when we’re young that two ‘o’s make an low sound.  If I say “Ooh” and “Oh” they’re two completely different sounds, yet ‘Lose’ and ‘Loose’ don’t seem to work the same way.  Ooh well.

Another post next week, =)

Ben.

Welcome once again to a rather concerning post, from a rather concerning author.

In Society class the other week I came across some rather worrying information in an old Atlas.  Just like most other atlases this one had statistics, *shiver* in the back of the book. Yes, we could point fingers and say that these numbers have no significance because they’re gathered by a bunch of annoying pests on the telephone who think that the best time to try to play 20 questions with you is while your eating your dinner.  But the reason these statistics are a bit more worrying is because they are based on population.

The atlas claimed that by 2030, the population of Australia would be 22,541,332. Well that’s rather untidy, because that’s 18 years away and our population is only 200,000 away from that value, it’s currently about 22,328,800. If we take into account the new population statistics from 2009 and 2010 we see that by 2013 our population is likely to grow by nearly 4 million. So let’s say that the population continues to grow by 4 million every year leading up until 2030, which it won’t, because it will no doubt grow much larger as the years progress… But let’s just say for some reason the population grows a consciousness and decides to stick to a 4 million a year plan, by the year 2030 we will be overrun with roughly, oh, I don’t know 94,328,800 people!!

94 million people! Ehhhk! Get it off!

Using some extraordinarily ordinary math skills we can estimate that South Australia’s population will be nearly 7 million, Tasmania’s population will be about 2.1 million, Queensland will be about 19 million and if I could be bothered calculating any more I’m sure they would be slightly more than reasonably crazy too!  We are most definitely producing way, way too many babies people.

Sure, we could try to implement the child law that’s running in China into the Australian laws…

“Well done, it’s a boy.”

“Awww, he’s more beautiful than my last one.”

“WHAT?!?! You already have a child?!”

“…Whaut?”

“Get rid of this filth! Take it away!”

But of course there are many that protest to this, there are people who say that people should be allowed to bring more people into this world full of people… Though they seem to be forgetting the fact that we’ll all be living in a small box that’s less than a cubic meter if we continue at this rate. Then again, I guess Adam and Eve must be partly to blame, I mean, they managed to kick off an entire species with their obnoxious…. uh…. gardening skills?

Earth is going to be absolutely crammed with people! You’ll go to a swimming pool and will quite literally be jumping into a pool of people. Imagine the line you’ll have to stand in just to get food from the cafeteria, or even the drive through at fast food restaurants. More importantly, we’ll end up living in such incredibly close quarters. Already there are houses being built that are less than a meter away from each other, so close that they should have just attached the two houses together!

There are people pouring out of our ears, and we need to do something about it…

Until we speak next, unless I’m smothered by a rapidly breeding population.

Ben,