How to Lose a Girlfriend in 1 Easy Step

Before we start I need to clarify a few things.  First off I will not make a habit of writing posts about love and companionship, this is the first on the blog and it’ll probably be the last.  Secondly, when I say that this is something that my friend did, it is actually something that my friend did, I am not trying to cover it up by playing the ‘friend’ card…

“Yeah I have this friend that set fire to his head and uhh, and I… he was just wondering if he needs any special medical attention or something.”

Now I’ll let you know now I don’t exactly know a whole lot about these sorts of things, the knowledge I have on these matters is purely imaginative and somewhat distorted by American television shows. But a better way to look at it is that I’ve never been ‘dumped’.

Anyhow! Onto the story!

So a friend of mine recently made a mistake when texting his girlfriend early in the morning. He’s not exactly awake even when he’s awake, so when he’s sleepy… let’s just say there could be an apocalyptic inferno completely burning the entire earth to a medium-rare human meatball and he would be none the wiser.  Him and his girlfriend were chatting away via text messages until she asked this question:

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like me?”

Let’s just say the half-asleep Romeo decided to attempt a Romantic mathematical equation, by saying that he rated her 1000 out of 10.  Well, he wrote it incredibly wrong.  Instead of saying 1000 out of 10 he wrote that he rated her 10 out of 1000.  Nice one! That’s the way! Congratulations, you just insulted your girlfriend, good luck!

As you would expect there was a lot of silence.  Needless to say, his girlfriend didn’t want to talk to him much after that lovely …compliment.  Being the friend that I am, (heartless, conceited, a rightful prat) I gave him some advice at the end of the day, despite the fact I am single-handedly the last person you should ever attempt to obtain advice from, and if I do ever give you advice you should just nod, say thanks and then completely disregard everything that I just said.  My advice to him, to win back his Juliet, was to tell her this:

“I’m sorry, I was tired this morning because I hadn’t been awoken by the glistening sun. You are my sunrise.”

Yeah, well that relationship was long lived.

No, just joking, from what I can gather that corny line may have had some effect because they’re still together and exchanging, “Love You’s” publicly via Facebook timeline posts.  Either that or my friend did the right thing and just nodded and said thanks as I gave him the most ridiculous advice ever…

Can I just say while writing this post I became rather annoyed at the word ‘lose’.  I mean, we’re taught when we’re young that two ‘o’s make an low sound.  If I say “Ooh” and “Oh” they’re two completely different sounds, yet ‘Lose’ and ‘Loose’ don’t seem to work the same way.  Ooh well.

Another post next week, =)

Ben.

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