Don’t expect a big thing on deal or no deal. I ain’t talking about any boxes with colourful blue cards with amounts of money written on them.

I’m talking about being a big deal, someone who is important, actually noticed.
To some people you may be a bigger deal than to others, to you some peoples opinions or etcetera may matter a lot more to you than other peoples.

There was a long period where I wasn’t a big deal to people, no one cared on my opinion, or what I thought. When I spoke about what I felt it wasn’t taken seriously, it was just pushed to the side like the green mushy peas that once lay upon the small plastic plates of our childhood.
Up until recently, my opinion didn’t matter.

But as it happens, there are people who to take my opinion as a big deal, who seem to want to have a good impression when it comes to what I think of them.

It adds a few more cards to the table, more things you have to think about, and more things to watch what you say. More moves you have stop and think about before you make them.

Let’s just say I haven’t been doing that recently, I’ve went and said things without joining the dots and thinking about how it would come across from their perspective, I’ve always carried on about perspective,
“Try and see my perspective for once.”

How pathetic of me to not actually go by my own words.

But it was my own feelings that blinded me, it was my ignorance that contributed to things being said that really were both unfair, and improper. They may have been speaking my mind, but they definitely did rule out, and describe, some of the best people I have ever known. On my part, the way it was written was offensive, and has been modified.

The one describing that brat in my class ,however, hasn’t been removed, nor edited, I try to her perspective all I see is a ignorant pain that only thrives off talking to other popular people, Gah!

ANYWAYS.

I’m Sorry.

Ben,

You know how at school they have that ‘strict’ policy where there’s no hugging, kissing, holding hands.
What do they call it? Something to do with no intimicy? Or something, they called it some weird name.

All I have to say is that I reckon if anything it should be made even stricter, anyone seen doing any of the above should get a lunchtime, simple as that.
I personally am sick of seeing it, everywhere you go, whether heading to drama, whether heading to maths, whether in P.E., whether leaving P.E., while I’m eating lunch, and recess. It’s poposterous.
Not only is it irritating in some cases to watch, but you look and feel a completely awkward, just when you were about to talk to someone they start hugging and whispering lovingly in each others ears, you can’t even squeeze a word in Heitenswiterzein. (Don’t bother Googling that, I made it up)

Not only that it makes all us singlies feel like absolute crap, who wouldn’t feel like crap, it practically gets rubbed in your face, even by your best friends.

And personally if I actually had the contentment of a relationship I would at least give some consideration my friends by not waving it around in front of their faces like a bull and a red cotton sheet.

Some people don’t understand how it feels because they’ve always had this stuff in their life, as an easy opportunity. They forget that some people don’t.

Another thing that peeves me off with it is how people will go out for two weeks, then break up and sob and cry and say their life is ruined. For two reasons, 1. you make relationships seem cheap and rubbish. and 2. You carry on about your life being ruined and that it sucks-sucks-sucks blah blah blah! Better to have had it then not to have had it at all.

I mean seriously, you spend time with each other all day, talk to each other constantly by text, messenger, social networking sights, after school, before school. So do you think that you could possibly cut out school days from your non-stop-full-on-contact convention?
You don’t need to be kissin’ and huggin’ all day fricking long, gawd we get the picture already, you bloody love each other, got the message as clear as day thankyou very much.

Even when you get home you get a constant reminder, logging onto Facebook and MySpace and everybodys rubbing it in your face again, like some twisted Home and Away version of cyber bullying.

Of course the schools don’t think of all this with the rule, they only have the rule to make the school ‘more proffesional’ looking because the school should be thought of as a ‘workplace environment.’

All the stuff rubbed into singlies faces, whether this stuff is good for the skin I’m yet to know, but until I find out. Meh.

I guess I’ll be standing on this musky cold train platform holding the ticket with the ‘unknown arrival time’ stamped on the front for a long, long time.

OFFICIAL Script for Cheese Weekly:

I just got back from Queensland, going to themeparks, and absorbing the sun.
There was one ride however, that I went on when I got back home, it was chained with a lock, and before I could ride it I needed to find the key.

The ride showed me myself, I watched the rollercoaster slowly climb to the top, then quickly, it came speeding down.
Sometimes it looped around, sometimes it didn’t, other times it made you feel sick.

If you are a clever cookie you would have linked the above to ‘life.’
‘Life is like a rollercoaster’ you’ve gotta have heard that one before, the truth is, life IS like a rollercoaster. It’s ups and downs, but also, if your too scared to ride the rollercoaster, you never get to experience how exciting it may be, how fun it might become.
I’ll let you ponder on that, for now I’m moving on to a few things I find interesting.

The human mind, isn’t it interesting how we think, how we hear a voice in our head saying every word we read. Noticed that? And who’s voice is it that you hear?
If you are reading something that YOU are writing the voice you hear is your own, if you are reading something a friend wrote you may have your voice in your head, but most likely, the voice you hear reading it out, is the friends voice.
If you are reading a story, say the line:
…”George, the boats about to go!” said Sam… often subconsciously you will use a voice of someone you know, without even realizing it.

Another thing, labelling.
Your brain labels people you meet and know. (…okay, go on, say ‘duh’)
Take this for example. Imagine a person called Red.
Now let’s say Red makes you laugh a few times, let’s say 4-7.
You may not remember what he said to make you laugh, but all you remember is that you found it funny, there by labelling Red ‘funny’.
You don’t even need to make them laugh all the time anyways, if you make someone laugh quite a bit quite recently, your past gets shoved beside you, you are labelled ‘funny’ for your recent funny jokes or gesture.
However, if you’ve only made them laugh a few times, let’s say 2 times, the first time they laughed really hard the second not so much. Because the most recent one that made you laugh wasn’t as funny, and they haven’t made you laugh alot, you don’t labeled as ‘funny.’

Are you following? It can get confusing and I could have written lots more on labelling, but one more thing.

This works for other things to. You might label someone a ‘good speller’ because they helped you with spelling a few times, you don’t remember exactly what spelling words they were, only that they helped you.

Off the labeling topic.

Now think of a movie you’ve watched.
Imagine Shrek, or Nemo, even a TV show will do.
You thinking about the show/movie?
Get this. Where did you watch the movie?
Notice that when you think about the movie or show you watched you don’t image the TV or the stuff surrounding the TV, or even the room you are sitting in. The image in your head is trimmed down and is as clear. Even if you watched it on a small TV, your brain patches it up and shows it to you as if you had placed the show in your head to watch.

Cool huh? Well I thought it was interesting, you guys probably think differently.

I had another thing that was going to say, I left a mental note, “Leave til last,”
But thinking about this other stuff has made me lost the note with what I was going to say on it.
I’ll stick it here later if I remember it….
Heh, unlikely though.

I’ll let you think on these.

Cya!

*NOTE* Ben from the future (30/10/2013) would like to inform you that the contents of this blog posts contains texts that may indicate that the writer at this time was arrogant, self-indulged and ‘a bit of a bastard.’  This indication is correct, and probably hasn’t changed since. =P

I spoke up today,

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a tantrum, it wasn’t a yell, it wasn’t a scream.
There were no tears involved as some dribble mouth suggested.

I spoke out my opinion and got belted for it.
Here’s the story.

Basically in my class, for some ridiculous reason, I am labeled as ‘the kid who knows everything and always gets top marks.’ My idea is that because I’ve got a few A+ on English-based assignments (Heh, who would have guessed that) and presentation-based assignments. This, in the demounted minds of common school students with their low-power thinking brains, has given them the impression that I am some sort of genius that knows everything.
Not only is it annoying being called nerd and geek, but because of all the genius reputation that has been belted upon me whenever I get less than good results in whatever subject I get absolutely smashed for it.
People start carrying on and saying, “I got better than Ben,” and, “I’m smarter than Ben, ha Ben you suck!”
Ever since the last shenanigan of that subject I decided never to bother telling my scores or ranks, whether good or bad, they don’t need to know.

And as for, “I’m smarter than Ben, ha Ben you suck!” I have an objection to that,
Because if your ‘smarter’ than me you wouldn’t be saying, “I’m smarter than Ben, ha Ben you suck!”
That’s ridiculous, you never heard any great mind say, “Ha ha I’m smarter than you,”
It’s bogus for you to think that being smart is about your knowledge, being smart is about being a strong thinker, that thinks about things, that can process heaps in their mind.
Not some boaster who pipes up and carries on about what they know and how they know a lot, or overreact on a music test.
Yes thats what this is all about, some stupid music test. No other subject, just music.
The music tests are the only tests that I really have never gone well in.

What really was the absolute pain today though was one girl, if this girl is reading now, please close your eyes for a few lines…
I find her one of the most painfully annoying popular brats their is. Theres heaps of them.
These popular brats that no matter what they do people like them, they come to school saying they “had sex at 7” and everybody still likes them, they could come to school and say they shoved their hand up a cows arse and rolled around in whatever came out and everybody would still like them, they have no good reason for people to like them except their disgusting what they have done bogus.
They act kind to all the other popular kids or when there are popular kids in the vicinity they’ll pretend to be friends with all the kids that they normally cover away out of sight in blatant ignorance.
Hmmm . . . I said close your eyes for a few lines, you might have caught the end of that and decided to read it from the start . . . heh
Anyways.

This particular girl, who never speaks to me, never notices me, never has any recognition of me whatsoever unless I’m talking to a ‘popular’ labeled kid, carried on about ME IGNORING HER!
WHAT!!?!?!!?
 Here’s a Victor Meldrew quote for you, “WHAT IN THE NAME OF BLOODY HELL!?”
You never talk to me, you never notice me, so why should me ignoring you and not talking to you be anything new or different for you!!!!
GAH!
Ridiculous! She asked for my score because she had got 35 out of 39 or whatever and she wanted to gloat and carry on. Since I have been on the No Tell Score policy of course I said nothing and just put my book away quitely. What was the angry part of that is the fact that, the only time you want to bloody have anything to do with me is when YOU want a MONGREL IQ TEST!!!!
What am I your SCORE TO BEAT or your LINE TO CROSS.  

I said something a lot milder than what I’ve got above,
And I sure hope it implanted that burning piece of doubt in your mind, maybe she’ll come across it eventually, if she ever can start using this ‘smart’ brain that she supposedly has.

 Then she was saying, “Am I mean, what did I do?” Her show-crowd act to try and regain ‘kind’ reputation that she just lost by my line. 
I heard her having conversations with the other ‘popular’ brats trying to figure out what she did wrong.
Smarter than me? 
Gawd, give me a bit more credit why don’t you.
And don’t go fumbling for your phone . . . thats not what I’m talking about.

To try and repair her friendly image I heard her say, “I’ll go give him a hug,” gah, oh please, not that soppy crap that all the boys without a capable brain take and forgive because they let their hormones get in the way.
Just as well she didn’t hug me because I would have slugged my arms out to knock her off and told the teacher that she was invading my personal space.
Instead she stood behind me and said, “What’s the problem” 
I closed that straight away with, “End of conversation, goodbye.” 
She also said later on, “Am I a bad person?” and a popular kid said, “No, you are not a bad person.”
My only thing to say on that account is, sometimes to see the truth, you have to be an outsider.
Meaning those on the outside, the discriminated, see the real person behind the social fog cloud for what they are.

And everyday they just walk off home, thinking because I ignored her I’m suddenly the one with the childish mental problem. Oh if they knew, oh if they fricking knew who was inside. 

They just don’t get it do they.
None of them do. 

The one thing that I’ve had, throughout my entire life, the one thing, the only thing, that ever gets me a moment of attention, that savoring moment where everyone talks to you. 
That one thing has been my work at school, getting high marks, people ask, “How are you so good at this?”
They never will know that it’s because I’ve spent a life of trying to get that attention, the only thing I had fought for was that acceptance, even for awhile.

There’s not a hope that anyone in my class would read this.
Even if they found this blog the sight of the page of text would be enough to throw their illiterate minds off this blog and onto a more less-thinking required online flash game website.
Yes OneMoreLevel I’m looking at you, you reader stealing b******s.

Ah.
That feels better.

Thanks for reading, the few readers that ever decide to read this blog.
A bit negative today. But hey, stuff happens.(I say stuff meaning another word that also starts with ‘s’ and is the equivalent of poo.)

Next post should hopefully be a cheerful one.

Now another not to make is I am NOT mentally damaged by the event, after the event I was upset and dislodged (No, not from whatever was biting me) but shortly after I was happy again and the afternoon was a breezy walk. Though I did ignore the girl (victim) the rest of the afternoon to try and get it through to her.
The reason I say this down the bottom in bright RED text is because for some reason, people get the idea that one bad post means one unhappy, depressed host.
Nah!

Well thanks again for letting me strain one of the most easily transferred human emotions into you.

Until next time.

Ben out,

(“Did you see what I did there? I left this post on a happy note to avoid keeping you, my reader, feeling sad and upset. You can thank me later. Cya)